My Postpartum Journey after my second born
My postpartum experience with Zidaan was filled with a lot of surprises. As a first time mom, I didn’t know how real the exhaustion, hormones and postpartum pain could be. The first week hit me hard due to challenges with breastfeeding, lack of sleep and fluctuating hormones. When I found out I was pregnant with Aiyla, I knew I wanted postpartum life to be something I looked forward to.
I mentally created a personal and family postpartum plan. The process of conversing with family to set realistic expectations of support was invaluable. For example, taking the time to clarify that my most important criteria for our initial week of support were food preparation, ability to figure out what needed to be done and entertaining our two-year-old helped me identify the family member best able to help us immediately after the birth. Ebad and I decided we didn’t want anyone living with us the first couple weeks - this was our time to navigate becoming a family of four. A big change for all of us, we both agreed that we needed to learn to do this on our own. Those first couple weeks needed to resemble what our normal routine was to look like for years to come.
If there’s one thing I can say for sure, it’s that this newborn thing is a lot easier the second time around. A million times easier. I know what to expect. I know not to freak out about every tiny noise she makes. I know the basics of taking care of a child. I didn't freak out the first time she spit up or get hiccups. I didn't stay up all night worrying is she’s breathing normally.. I haven't called the pediatrician approximately six times a day to ask them questions about the color of her poop.
There’s lots of mini topics y’all wanted me to talk about so I’ll talk about each separately.
Physical Healing
After Zidaan, I had multiple stitches that needed lots of care. I used the usual numbing sprays, tucks pads and lots of tylenol to get through the pain. During my second delivery, I was lucky enough to not get any tears or stitches. I did however, use this perineal spray while I was sore: LINKED HERE. This thing was amazing! I can’t recommend it enough.
I also thoroughly believe the more active you stay during pregnancy, the easier your recovery will be. My doctor always told me to take regular walks and do squats (all in moderation - listen to your body).
Losing Pregnancy Weight
Honestly y’all, I wish I had some elaborate answer with specific work outs and a diet plan that I followed, but I didn’t. To be truthful, I didn’t gain much weight during either pregnancy to begin with (I have my genetic high metabolism to thank for that). I did however have to shed quite a few lbs and get rid of the mommy pouch that everyone dreads.
Below are a few things that worked for me when trying to get my body back after Zidaan and things I am repeating again to get back in shape after Aiyla:
Breastfeeding. They say breastfeeding burns up to 5-600 calories. Yes, it’s true, BUT you can’t skip the basic weight-loss principles (and overall good health) of keeping an eye on total daily calories, moving more, and choosing quality whole foods to fulfill your nutrition needs and those of your baby. I ate surprisingly well while I breastfed (thanks to my mom and mother in law who made me amazing food)
Waist Trainer! I didn’t wear this as much as I wish I had postpartum after Zidaan. I wore it off and on for about 6-8 weeks and I did see a significant difference. I’m going to try to be more diligent with it this time. The one I used is LINKED HERE.
I drank a WHOLE lot of water for the first 7-8 months postpartum. I was ridiculously thirsty most of the time. Drinking water helps boost your metabolism and cleanses your body of waste. Also, it helps your body stop retaining water, leading you to drop those extra pounds of water weight. I kept my big jug my hospital gave me and used to drink water filled up once before and after I fed Z!
Healthy snacking. My snacking pre-pregnancy were oreos, hot cheetos and fanta. I LOVE junk food. It’s actually quite gross. Postpartum however, going along with my healthy eating, I switched over to lots of healthier snacks. Lots of fruits, nuts, granola bars!
This is something I’ve always followed: smaller meals multiple times a day. Ever since I can remember, I’ve never been able to have 3 big meals a day. I eat about 5-6 times a day in small portions. About 3 years ago I learned that I wasn’t a weirdo, but that that’s actually the healthy way to eat! Split up your meals and try eating smaller portions in 3-4 hour intervals.
Also mamas, remember that you just brought in life into this world. Go easy on yourself! Set realistic weight-loss goals and be gentle with yourself as you accept the changes in your body. Above all, take pride in a healthy lifestyle and being amazing caretakers of that little bundle of joy.
Adjustment with 2 kids
I knew this would be tough and we tried to prepare Zidaan, but there is only so much a 2 and a half year old can grasp about that concept. For the most part, Z has been pretty uninterested in his sister. He’ll tell us what she’s doing and what she’s wearing, but that’s about it. I have noticed however, that he acts up a little more now. His whining has reached a new level. His fake crying has gotten even worse. His acting skills could use some work. We try to spend as much time with him as possible so he knows that he hasn't been replaced, it’s a work in progress. My biggest recommendation is to spend quality time with him whenever you can and bring little change to his routine. Ebad and I made sure we were still the ones putting him to bed, picking him up from school, feeding him dinner etc. We didn’t want him to feel like we were handing him off to someone else. If one of us is busy with Aiyla, the other is giving Zidaan full attention. Also, we involve Zidaan in everything to do with Aiyla. He’s always been mommy’s helper, but now he’s also Aiyla’s personal assistant ha. He’ll bring me her diapers, her blanket and show her his toys etc. Involving him in daily activities surrounding her helps him adjust to his new normal.
My mom always taught me that life is all about perspective. Mind over matter. Life with a newborn and a toddler isn't easy, but it's my new normal. A new challenge. And I love it. It's going to be hard, but I refuse to pity myself and sulk. I know that I won't end every day with a smile. But it's so worth it.
How to make time for yourself
I wish I had a secret formula for this. I’m a firm in believer in not putting yourself last, Life with two kids is busy and tough, but a happy mama is a happy baby. It’s okay to take time out for yourself as long as your babies are taken care of. I’m lucky to have a supportive husband, family around and a full time nanny for Zidaan. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need a break. A few of my suggestions include:
Routines for older children. Make sure your older child has a routine. Newborns sleep most of the day so I take full advantage of when my toddler is napping/sleeping as well. Newborns may be unpredictable, but knowing your older child has set timings helps you navigate your day better.
Make a list of weekly to do items - I have specific days for laundry, dish washer, deep cleaning and organizing. I split them up throughout the week so you aren’t scrambling everyday trying to do too much which backfires.
Don’t try to do too much! No, Im not cooking fresh dinner everyday. I rely on family, eat frozen meals or order take out. If you take on too much and don’t get everything done, you feel like you’ve failed the day (this happened to me after Zidaan so now I’m more realistic)
Pump! If you’re breastfeeding, pumping makes a world of a difference! This way, someone else can feed your baby as well. I’m freezing lots of my milk for when I go back to work or have to run errands without Aiyla.
Get out! A friend of mine who had the baby blues with her first child told me to force myself to get out. Not in the first few days or even weeks, but in the first few months. She told me it would seem hard and be tempting to not go places with friends because it’s easier to just stay home but to force myself out at times. This may seem counterintuitive to self-care but I think it’s really great advice. Don’t pressure yourself to be a social butterfly but getting out and spending time with friends and family is good for the soul and will help you feel like yourself again.
Treat Yourself. Find little ways to treat yourself throughout the week. For me, this is a small online shopping order for myself, a McDonalds vanilla cone, a 15 minute hot shower with your favorite body scrub etc. For you it may be something else. But after a long day of nursing, burping, changing and comforting your little one, you’ll benefit from finding little ways to treat yourself.
GET READY FOR THE DAY! This does wonders for me. Again, not in the first few days, but in the first few weeks. During your baby’s first nap, shower, blow dry your hair, get dressed, and put on make-up….even if you’re not going to see anyone all day! I have days where I may not see anyone I know until my husband comes home from work. It would be so easy to stay sloppy all day, but it’s not good for my mood or my confidence. Getting ready for the day has really helped me to avoid the blues.
The second time around, I was stunned to discover motherhood could be so magical (STILL hard, but magical). My daughter was born to a mother who was nurtured, emotionally supported and empowered. I was a joyful mother, filled with gratitude. The loneliness, the despair, the exhaustion I had previously known as a new mother was minimized. They were replaced by a sense of community, of peace, of wholeness. The days are long, but the years are short. Knowing all these phases pass rather quickly gets me through every day.
I’ll address breastfeeding in a completely separate blog. I’m exclusively pumping again and have lots to say!
Thank you for reading mamas! I hope something I said on here has helped you a tiny bit!